Anna's Sorrow
by ChelseaEllie
Summary: Anna and Castiel struggle with feelings for each other, set between episode 16 season 4 to episode 21,  please be kind, this is my 1st ever attempt at fan fiction :-   Please review, and suggest things I may have missed
1. Chapter 1

Anna was sat alone on the bench in the snow, her hair looked extra red against the crisp white back ground. It had been a long week, she needed space to think, this was perfect, quiet and alone, very few angels came here. She needed time to think, she had witnessed one of her colleagues attempt to murder another, so she had killed him. She knew without a doubt she had done the right thing, but it didn't make it easier to deal with, she had worked with him for longer than most humans could imagine, she knew so much about him, and this had shocked her. But deep down what was the real reason she had killed him.

Uriel was murdering Angels, he was trying to convert them and if they said no he would kill them, he had killed 7, he was very powerful a specialist in his field. Yet she only got involved when he threatened Castiel, and risked herself to save him, she had a price on her head, and knew deep down Castiel would never carry it out, he was loyal to her, as she was to him, Uriel was less attached to either of them.

Uriel had Castiel on the floor, kneeling, holding his hair, so he looked into those pretty blue eyes as he punched him and taunted him about his faith, Angels were punished for no faith, and Castiel was dedicated and loyal in his faith, and clearly ready to die for it. She came up behind Uriel and stabbed him though the throat, he fell to the floor, she moved to stand next to Castiel as Uriel died, he rose to his feet and looked at her, with awe and concern.

She realised now that it wasn't about stopping Uriel it was more about protecting Castiel, even the thought of him meant she had a horrid fluttering feeling in her stomach. Maybe thousands of years with him were more than just friends, maybe he had no idea that was an option, maybe she mistook the close relationship and her human feelings for more than it should be. But he was part of the reason she fell, she wanted to truly understand love, wanted to feel, looking back she did understand love, just a shame he didn't. He bugged her more now he had a human form, dark hair, blue eyes, he pressed all her buttons. And she had been with his "friend" Dean Winchester, that was bound to create issues.

Which got her back to why she was here, she couldn't exactly talk to anyone about this, she was an outcast, she fell she wasn't pure, the other Angels avoided her, or hunted her. The way Castiel looked at her when she tried to touch him tore her up inside, even after saving him, he thanked her and flew away so quickly, a tear fell from her eye, and she realised how deeply it cut her up.

A shadow appeared above her, she looked up and spotted him

"Cass" she breathed "Castiel" she quickly corrected, his tone and actions the other day had suggested they were not in a place for abbreviated names, there was a distance between them. She quickly brushed the tear away, he moved his head to look at her, his blue eyes melting her heart again.

"Anna" he stated his gravelly voice giving no hint of emotion, his face stern and serious "you have been crying" more a statement than an question

"Its nothing" she insisted and turned her head to hid from his gaze

He sat down on the bench next to her, "We need to talk about Uriel"

"We don't" she insisted "what is there to say, he is dead its over"

"You saved me, " his tone was softer "I want to thank you"

"You are welcome" she snapped still not facing him

"You are cross" he noted, she felt his stance shift and then felt his hand on her face, gentle and soft , he turned her face to meet his, she was looking into his, eyes, she really didn't want to, she knew he could get away with anything and she would forgive him no question "Anna, why are you cross?" he questioned

"Im not cross," she replied, not sure if it was true or not, he had moved his hand from her face, as he had touched her she assumed it was fine to touch him, and moved her hand to the side of his face, his stubble felt strange against her hand, "I can't be cross with you"

He looked puzzled his face slightly crinkled in confusion, she decided it was now or never, she may never see him again, and leaned in and kissed him softly on the cheek. He didn't pull away or appear to react, she backed up a little looked in his eyes, he still looked unsure she looked down at his lips and back at his eyes, he was studying her and still not backing off. She moved her other hand to cup his face, and still he didn't pull away, she half smiled and leant in to kiss him, he didn't back off, her lips touched his, she was shocked how soft they were, and more so that he was responding to her. Her hands moved one to the back of his head in his thick black hair, the other around his back, pulling him in to her, his hands were around her as well one at her waist the other in her hair. She hadn't realised how hungry for him she was, clinging on to ever second, tasting him, but scared to be too demanding. He tasted strange, very different from Dean. Oh thinking about Dean now is not good .

Castiel tasted like light, like strawberries and cream, the warmth, like sunshine, like everything she liked, nothing she could put into words. Suddenly she was very aware of him pulling away, moving his hands quickly away from her.

He blushed, looking cute and confused, unable to make eye contact with her, then he stood up "Im sorry" he muttered and vanished

So there she was sat on the bench alone, more confused than ever, trying to work out what everything meant and would he be back? She felt so alone.


	2. Castiel's POV

Im not sure what I feel about this chapter, I may rewrite it after some sleep. I promise future chapters wont be so touchy feely :-)

Chapter 2

It was dark and cold outside the motel the brothers were in, but Castiel wasn't sure if he should speak to them or not, they were the only humans he really knew, but he only went to them on orders never socially. He didn't really care for Sam, no that's unfair, Sam's demon blood meant he was an abomination, not purely human. Though he often considered the younger Winchester more compassionate than his elder brother, and Castiel's charge Dean.

Dean Winchester was a law unto himself, he often spoke in riddles, or at least Castiel thought so, "pop culture" references peppered his speech, often making little sense to the Angel . He was stubborn, hot headed, but kind at the same time, and a good warrior.

This wasn't a trip sanctioned by heaven, and Castiel glanced at the sky to check he wasn't about to be summoned back, but heard nothing. He liked being on earth, being around the creatures he had watched for so long, it was different to interact with them than just watch them. They were interesting and strange, even the brothers were very interesting, for 2 people so close they kept a lot from each other. They could be chalk and cheese, Sam kinder and softer, Dean more ruthless, but both seriously loyal to those they cared for. Sam was motivated by health food and exercise, Dean limited exercise to demon hunting, and believed salad was decoration for a meal, to be discarded as early as possible. Castiel even found their choices of sexual partners interesting, Sam with Ruby a demon, and Dean, Anna an Angel.

Castiel sighed, Anna, the reason he was here. He wasn't sure what he was doing coming to a human for advice. Yet what Angel could understand, this wasn't common . Why did he go see her?

He had been feeling guilty about how Alistair had broken the devils trap and attacked and injured Dean, was concerned by Sam's powers, when he killed Alistair, everything was strange and not happening as it was meant to, and Castiel had needed someone to talk to, so he had turned to Anna. She had come to him earlier that day and sowed the seeds of doubt in his mind, so after speaking with Uriel he prayed for her. She came to him, he wasn't sure why after he had so rudely told her to leave earlier, he regretted that, she had always been fair to him, but she fell, she ignored the rules from their father and that was not forgivable for an angel.

There were orders to kill her, these he wasn't going to follow, anyone who knew him knew that, Anna and he were as close as the Winchester brothers before she fell, although Angels are all brothers and sisters, but this was more than with the others, this was deeper like true family. Since then they had been frosty, but there was no way he would willingly kill her, which was why Uriel was sent with him to collect her. It was why Uriel was so involved with the Winchesters, to check on him, to make sure he was straying and helping the Dean more than he should.

So Castiel turned to Anna when Uriel started to act strangely, asked for her help and her guidance, she had been his commander for too long, she was a fair Angel, and good to those below her. She refused to tell him what to do, saying he needed to decide alone, and suggested doubt was good. Doubt was not good. His whole life he had been told what to do, and given instruction, and now he was expected to decide alone, that wasn't easy.

Though his concern for Dean had been flagged again when he realised that the devils trap was broken by dripping water and started to wonder who had done that, he had an idea, and returned to the room to check. That was when Uriel appeared, and after failing to recruit him, started beating Castiel, it looked as though he would be the 8th Angel from the garrison to die.

Then Anna appeared and stabbed Uriel, saving Castiel. As they watched Uriel's energy vanish in a bright flash, and his wings burn onto the floor, Castiel felt betrayed and confused and just had to leave to be with his own thoughts. So he did as fast as he could, this was cruel to her though he thought later when he had processed the events of the day. Which lead him to realise he needed to thank Anna, so decided to track her down.

She was alone in the snow when he arrived. Her face was slightly red, she was clearly upset. She clearly wanted to talk, but he wasn't sure what to say, so he thanked her for saving him, and queried if she was cross from her tone towards him. She was short with him, so he touched her face softly so she looked at him, he wanted to gaze into her eyes, so he could try to feel what she was feeling. Eyes are the windows to the soul.

Looking into her eyes he felt hurt and confusion. He had no idea what to make of this. Human emotions confused him, yet having a human body had meant he was starting to have some more feelings. He wasn't sure if he liked that or not.

She seemed cross, and he stated this, but she denied it to, and touched his face reflecting his actions seconds before, she lent forward and kissed his cheek. This was a strange feeling, he didn't overly understand what she would gain from this action, though he enjoyed the feeling of closeness. She had moved back and moved her other hand to his face, and then moved her face towards his, she brushed her lips over his, he felt hers part slightly, and before he realised his had too, his head was spinning as they started to kiss, her tongue in his mouth, a very strange feeling, her taste, she tasted strange, or maybe normal he had nothing to compare it to. She was moving her hands over him, and he realised he had moved his hands over her body too.

And suddenly he realised what was happening, and he didn't really know how to feel, was this right or wrong? So he pulled away, and stood up needing to get away, needing to work out what was happening.

That was how he found himself here. Looking for help from Dean.

So how could he talk to Dean? Dean and he had a relationship more based upon needing each other than a friendship. Or is that what friendship is he pondered.

What would he say if he did speak to Dean, about having possible feelings for someone Dean has been intimate with. There were too many thoughts rushing though Castiel's mind

He walked towards the door to talk to Dean, when he heard his name, being summoned back to heaven, he sighed and decided Anna could wait for another day, Angels are rarely in a hurry, they don't age or die from natural causes, and having known her for so long made dealing with this less urgent than whichever seal he was being called back to help fix.

As he vanished Dean looked out of the window, as if he had felt the Angel near, shaking his head he shut the curtains.


	3. Heaven

I hope you are enjoying this, sorry this chapter is short was going to be much longer but I had to get all ideas out of my head as quickly as possible and this is what happened. Please review as I dont know if anyone likes this or Im really going the wrong direction with this all

Its set season 4 after on the head of a pin, and will ideally run until season 4 ep 21, so will have a painfully sad ending I fear :-(

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><p>It was briefing time in heaven, selected Angels had been summoned to receive new orders, Anna was bored, although she was included she was not likely to be involved, she rarely was these days, just included as a warning to others. So she started looking around the room, then she spotted him, her eyes met his, the blue made her heart miss a beat. She chastised herself, never going to happen, don't get your hopes up, she told herself. No matter what she felt he was still an Angel, what he felt was very different to what she felt. He was the perfect soldier didn't question anything and did what he was told, didn't need to think. He could never really understand love, and her heart started to break a little more.<p>

Flap

He was stood next to her, she grinned, she couldn't help herself, he gave a boyish half smile, but shock his head when she started to speak, and indicated they were still in a briefing so needed to be quiet a while longer. She moved her hand to touch his, assuming he had made the move to be next to her, he was interested, she was wrong, he moved away from her. Not in a quick forceful move but more to suggest this was not the place for it, he didn't look at her when he did it.

Suddenly there was a buzz around the room, and she realised she hadn't been listening to anything that was said for a while rather just watching Castiel, how still and straight he stood, how dark his hair was just making the blue of his eyes stand out more. She liked how his hair was fluffy like feathers, each strand having its own place. She really wanted to run her fingers though his hair, mess it up a bit, in fact she wanted to push him out of his calm comfort zone and get him all messed. Then she was very aware of lots of Angels talking, she tried to talk to him, but he was surrounded by other Angels, all wanting to talk to him, find out what the Winchesters were like, she was a bit jealous, she knew the boys as well, hell she knew them far more intimately than Castiel every could, or at least she hoped that was true, but other Angels rarely spoke to her these days.

Balthazar was filling Castiel in on his current mission, it appeared as though they had both been working on it before Castiel was pulled off and sent to rescue Dean. The two had always been very close Balthazar very protective of his younger brother, his younger geeky brother . He glanced crossly at Anna "What's she doing here?" he spat

"Leave her alone" defended Castiel

"Is something going on I should know about?" questioned the older blonde Angel, a slight smirk on his face

"She's been punished enough" Castiel sighed, "She's outcast, lost everything she had, just leave her alone" his blue eyes flaring with anger

" Ok" Balthazar grinned, winking, he turned to face Anna pure hate in his eyes " just because my brother can over look your betrayal, I can't, we are not friends, understand!" She swallowed and nodded, and moved closer to Castiel, where she felt safe, he had just defended her, her stomach was doing hopeful flips.

"See you around Cass" Balthazar half smiled as he flew off, it was clear though any affection was aimed only at Castiel not Anna.

"Are you ok?" asked Castiel softly, looking directly at her, her heart melted, she was struggling not to try to touch him, but there were still a lot of Angels around, and now she was very aware that she would make his life hard if she did make any move. She nodded not trusting herself to speak.

A much older Angel approached, he had white hair and a harsh expression, he walked up to them both "Castiel, Anna, you are well I take it?"

"Zachariah" Anna stated, "Good to see you "

He ignored her reply, put his hand on Castiel's arm and looked sternly into his eyes, "You have your orders, follow them", Castiel nodded and looked slightly saddened by this, and Zachariah vanished

Most of the Angels had gone, there were a few in groups around still talking, but they were more interested in each other than Castiel and Anna, so she decided to talk to him "what orders?" she questioned, as this was the easier way to break the ice than any of the many things going though her head.

"Just about not getting involved with the Winchesters, they think I'm losing focus with them" he muttered clearly not comfortable talking about it "Let's go for a walk, show me your favourite heaven" he said in a much softer tone.

She smiled and took his hand, this time he didn't back off

TBC


	4. Star watching

I hope you are liking this, please give me reviews about what you want to see, wont have any sex though as i want to be loyal to the show and in 5x03 we know Castiel hasnt been with a woman.

Im not sure why Im making him a bit mean, hes my fave SN character.

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><p>Anna's choice of a Heaven to visit was that of a star watcher who had died at the ripe old age of 86. It was a warm summer's night, perfectly clear sky, no light pollution, just all the beauty of space to stare at.<p>

They were both lying in the grass looking up at the star filled sky, it was perfect, she moved to her side too look at Castiel, a sight more perfect than the sky. He was far too pretty, she imagined when his vessel was younger he was a heart breaker, could see a lot of human girls falling for him. She wondered what humans made of him, he wasn't exactly what Angels looked like, they were generally pictured as blonde females. A raven haired, unshaven male wasn't it. Though he mostly interacted with Dean Winchester, so it was probably more ideal a pretty little blonde wasn't sent to be his guardian as Dean had a certain way with the ladies and there didn't seem many who would manage to resist his charms, herself included, her last night as a human was spent with him.

"Cass?" she liked how his name felt in her mouth, less formal than Castiel, "How do you feel about me and Dean?"

He moved his head to look at her, and almost did that cute head tilt he did when confused

"You and Dean? What do you mean?" he questioned

"Well he's your friend, and was my lover" she tried to explain

"I don't understand," he queried "Do you think Dean has a claim on you? From what I understand Dean has very little emotional connection with most of the women he is involved with. Do you have feelings for him?"

Anna was unsure how to answer. Did she have feelings for Dean? Why was he in the back of her mind?

"No" she denied, "Not since I became an Angel again, just was concerned about your friendship with him"

Castiel laughed "The affairs of Angels are not of concern to the Winchesters" he looked cute when he laughed, much younger. She moved closer to him, and propped herself up, so she was leaning over him, he smiled up at her

She started to run her fingers though his black hair, smiling at the contrasting colours of her ivory fingers and his ebony hair, the tips were slightly lighter, sun bleached. She ran a hand down his face , his skin was smooth his stubble rough. His breath was warm on her face, so close she could taste him. She looked up at his eyes, and nearly lost herself in them, her fingers found her way to his lips gently stroking then, her heart quickened, and she felt like she wanted to explode, like her skin was too tight. So she moved closer to him, kissing his cheek, and moving closer to his mouth, tilting her head a little as she reached his lips, she closed her eyes and parted her lips a little. He did the same and she felt his tongue questioning if it could enter her mouth, and she gladly let it. It was slow and tender, like teenagers , which they were, thousands of years old and still Castiel was a teenager with in the angel community, and they didn't really kiss much, Angels had no real interest in the physical.

"Lets take things slow" He muttered pulling slightly away from her, as her hands started to move over his body, tracing his muscles, which were well hidden by the layers of clothing he wore.

She looked at him, and realised how this was for him, she had been human but he hadn't, he was only just feeling emotions and clearly was concerned by what he was feeling, which she admitted to herself was normal. She moved off him and sat up, offering him a hand for him to sit up too. He took it smiling and pulled her back down to him.

"Who said we needed to stop?" He questioned, she smiled and kissed him again "but let's keep this as Dean would say 'PG'" he added

…...

Anna had gone, declaring she needed a cold shower but understood he didn't want to rush anything. Castiel smiled to himself he was still in the same Heaven, considered moving but decided to enjoy the peace for a while and organise his thoughts first.

"Castiel" came a harsh voice, and he span to see who it was

"Zachariah" He replied, in a much harsher tone that he had been using on Anna

"I'm glad to see you are following the orders so closely" the balding white haired man stated

"I still do not understand the reason for these orders" the younger Angel protested

"Keep your friends close and your enemies closer" was the reply, "and she trusts you"

"She always has trusted me," insisted Castiel "what will seducing her do?"

"Trust in the plan, you have your orders, Follow them!" he was instructed "Besides your charges are causing problems, with a prophet"

"They are fine, they haven't don't anything wrong yet" sighed Castiel wondering why Zachariah was getting involved with the Winchesters "I will speak to Dean later"

"Remember your orders!" instructed Zachariah and vanished

Castiel shock his pretty feathered head, he was far from happy with these orders, but orders are orders, maybe he should talk to Balthazar his oldest friend, and try to understand what he was feeling and what it could mean. Though what could another angel do to help him, he wasnt sure why he had these orders, if they wanted someone seduced he wasnt the best for this task, he was hardly very experienced with women, or seduction other than watching Dean's attempts and Sam with that Demon.

"Dean" he sighed, suddenly very aware the elder Winchester was about to do something silly


End file.
